So often, parents ask that very question, thinking the lives of their teens are headed for disaster. It’s this exact question that informs me that parents think they have so much more control on the outcomes than they actually do. While I type this post, I hear from the next room, “Dad I love you,” from my 13yo son. I’m not kidding. I heard those words. He could still be headed in the wrong direction, but for this moment, I did something right…or was it the moments leading up to this one??!!??
It’s recognizing that we, as parents, do have a huge impact, but in the end, it’s up to our teens to do the right things. Our job isn’t to pick up the pieces when they fall, it’s to empower them to do it themselves and support the process. No less than 90 minutes ago, my son wanted to go skiing (yes, the same 13yo), it wasn’t safe. Forget the high price tag, bottomline was that he was a novice skier and the conditions weren’t great. Those are the decisions we, as parents, need to make. We have to step in when it comes to their safety. The best thing we can do, though, is explain why we stopped them from doing something that could have been hazardous.
By ensuring they understand that the decision was based on safety and not just because we “said so,” we work to level the field. We work to shift the power from us to the activity that isn’t as safe as we would like. What our teens see is the power shifting away from us. It wasn’t “us” that said “no,” it was the perils of the activity. Teens can get involved in some crazy activities; activities that place them and others in harm’s way. That’s the control we have: doing our best to outline, in a mature way, the possible outcomes of the risky behaviors in which they can partake. We follow those conversations with other options, if there are some.
From too much screen time to vaping and underage drinking, our teens need those serious conversations. If you aren’t ready to say the words, your teens still may be ready to party like it’s 1999. They may feel completely comfortable sexting because they can’t get as much “alone time” with their significant other. Our teens may decide to post insane TikToks, just because of the new challenges that come out. It’s nearly impossible for us, as parents to get ahead of all of these trends. Having open conversations with our teens can bring us closer to at least hearing about the new movements and direction the wind is blowing.
So, ensure your communication is trending upwards and you work on ensuring your teens make the safe decisions!